Masking or Role Playing?

It is often said that the neurodivergent will mask in shared environments, especially when they are around colleagues or non-familiar others. This is a metaphor I temporarily accepted, because I did notice, from any number of aversive experiences, that it would be easier for me to respond differently in various contexts that required an interaction of sorts. However, I see this less as masking now, and more as simply training myself to control the actions and thoughts of others.

My view of the workplace now is one where everyone is role playing. People sense it in themselves, going through the motions, and allowing their role to guide them through a conflict-free day. However, role playing is acting, and acting is exhausting. Wouldn’t it be nice to exist in a group of people where they could be themselves and talk about whatever they wanted, and didn’t have to police their own views and opinions? Wouldn’t it be nice to offer dissenting and critical opinions without fear of repercussion? Obviously, we role play for job security.

In a heavily censored environment, modulated by HR friendly topics and company talking points, nobody will ever really get to know anyone. I think the neurodivergent are quicker to grasp this point than others because their bar for allowing somebody glimpses at their beliefs, thoughts, and hyper-fixations is higher than in most people. The neurodivergent are reliably deep in character and worth knowing, but have all experienced microaggressions or outright hostility, which has resulted in an immovable guard. The bar for others is lower, but still high enough to convince people that with a little conversation, perhaps in a game or icebreaking context, will permit them the connections they crave and are not getting from their private lives.

I never felt that I had to role play until I entered the workplace, even though I was initially tripped up by the often touted view that all perspectives are welcome so that we can ensure maximum inclusivity or problem solve from a more dynamic base. However, the workplace is not academia and there are power structures and careerists that will not entertain differing viewpoints; to avoid backlash and to protect one’s private life, many will opt for silence or well-practiced, almost scripted responses.

Through trial and error, observation, and gentle reinforcing of managerial viewpoints, whether shared or not, we learn how to navigate and survive in the workplace.

The mask metaphor implies that there was either a conscious decision to put on a mask, or somebody simply realized they had been wearing one the whole time. In both cases the person realized their need to hide their true selves and thus never really feel seen, no doubt contributing to self esteem issues and negative self-image. In fact, whether you interpret what you do as masking or as role playing, might really be a reflection of one’s self esteem. I find the use of the masking metaphor to be particularly abhorrent because it implies a distancing or a level of vulnerability that I would not want anyone to endure, and there is the danger that interpreting oneself as perpetually hidden and misunderstood will bias and cloud any assessment of everyone else in the workplace.

Wouldn’t it be something if everyone was role playing and there are no neurotypicals?