Anger, reactivity, and freedom

I must confess that my natural state seems to be exhaustion.

Putting aside work, aging, and parenting, I’m still left feeling like something about the world today continues to make large demands on whatever energy and awareness I may have scraped together over the course of a day.

More so than at other times in my life, it does feel like the world is demanding more and more of my attention and input. With the exception of already established relationships, which do require my attention and input, there are some aspects of the world that have become pushy and more obtrusive, no doubt because technology has allowed them to do so.

If I need to involve a business or service to buy something or have them take care of something in the house, I am often being contacted via text, e-mail, and voicemail, first to confirm, then to give me updates, then to notify me of arrival, then to send me a receipt, then to ask me for feedback, and then to advertise at me for other things they are selling. Is it any wonder that many people are being trained to ignore their phones, not read e-mails, and immediately unsubscribing from any further communications?

All of this communication actually makes us more confused, meanings of messages are lost, and the automated nature of these communications makes it hard to determine the intentions and thoughts behind the actual people at the business who you have paid or want to pay to do something for you.

It doesn’t make good business sense, it causes a drop in customer satisfaction, it leaves a larger carbon footprint, and it drains more time and energy from the person providing the business.

I am only in my mid-forties, but I can remember a time when businesses were happy enough just to get your business. There was a degree of etiquette and care taken, especially if the customer was spending a lot of money on something. Now, the business wants your money, but then it continues to want your time, energy, and focus, even after the transaction. If we still lived in a time when prices were negotiated, wanting the time, energy, and focus of a customer after the point of sale should result in a price deduction.

In addition to this hijacking of your time, it seems to me that overall everyone has been made more reactive than they once were. I’m sure this shift in psychology is complex, but I think it is true to say that we become more reactive when we are angry and frustrated. Current political and global events make it hard to remain impartial about anything.

An obvious question here is why react? Surely we can draw on some concepts of inner peace and not be drawn into heated exchanges, which only serve to exacerbate anger and reaction?

More so than ever, I think we feel that our identities are being challenged. Some of us consider it a virtue to make their voice heard during times of injustice and there is no passive way to do so. During chaotic times, it is also hard to have ideas about what our futures might look like, which challenges our own personal sense of security and how we see ourselves. Due to vibrant and florid Internet cultures, more so than ever people are seeing themselves differently. Concepts of mental health are now used as the basis for the neurodiversity social movement and millions of people now see themselves as neurodivergent. Voices that have been historically ignored have found people to listen and created the moral imperative for others to pay attention to prejudices that many have either been blinded to or ignored.

In this environment, everyone is one edge, everyone has strong opinions, and everyone is tired. Naturally, this explains our social powder keg.

I don’t think the answer is to ignore these challenges to how we see ourselves, but it does seem to suggest we need to pick our battles and examine the things that trigger our anger and reactivity.

 If we are perpetually at the mercy of others, then we are not free.